Faith-Family-Education-Preparation
My moms sought an inclusive faith for their family. We found more than they bargained for.
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One of my moms and I traveling to General Assembly in Portland, OR. We’re still a church family.
In 1981, when my moms went looking for a faith tradition that would embrace their family, they found Unitarian Universalism. I was christened (when we still used to do such a thing) as a UU and I have been here ever since.
I was raised in the church up the hill and our lives often revolved around the church. Sunday mornings stretched from pre-church coffee to post-church coffee, with worship, religious education, lunch and committee meetings in between. As a child I was known to whine “can we just go already!" but I am so grateful for those long hours spent at church. I understood the church to be mine in the way that only time can confer. I knew every nook and cranny of that building. I had played, prayed, learned and made mischief in every room.
I understood myself not just as a Unitarian Universalist but as a valuable part of that particular congregation, the Unitarian Universalist Church of Berkeley (UUCB). I attended RE every Sunday morning until I graduated to the youth group that met on Sunday evenings. I returned for special occasions while I was in college and experimenting with being unchurched as a young adult. I came back as a member when I returned to Berkeley to attend Seminary and I was ordained by the congregation ten years ago. I have been nurtured, pushed, loved, challenged and shaped by Unitarian Universalism and by the ministers, congregants and staff at UUCB. I want that same lasting relationship for every kid who grows up in Unitarian Universalism.
Liz, Theo and I at Canyon de Chelle in Arizona. One of my moms worked on the Navajo reservation that encompasses the canyon in the 60’s and was radicalized there. We’re carrying on the family tradition!
I am the proud child of lesbian parents. My parents fought an uphill battle to have their family recognized and honored - by their community, their families and the state. It wasn’t until I was nine years old that both of my mothers could be my legal parents. When my son Theo was born, my wife Liz’s name was on the birth certificate and the fact of his second parent adoption was a formality, not a minor miracle. I am reminded every day that the world can change for the better - but not without a whole lot of work.
Despite and sometimes because of this challenge, I had a marvelous childhood. I was surrounded by a queer community that embraced my family and saw us as a harbinger of a world that could be - one where every family mattered. I was profoundly loved by my parents, by their found LGBT family and eventually by my extended family as well (ask me about that sometime!)
I was raised to be confident and bold and to believe that it was my job to be part of making the word a better place. Not bad training for a minister.
My closest colleagues on the day of our graduation from Seminary. I can’t imagine a ministry untouched by these relationships.
One of the greatest gifts my parents gave me was a love of learning and an amazing education. I attended a small, diverse, loving elementary school and I had excellent teachers and rigorous academic training at my high school.
When I arrived at Smith College I was lucky enough to combine an excellent education with a community I fell in love with. Something about Smith just fit. I found my people there. I brought a new confidence to my passion for learning and my love of academics. I pursued a history degree with a specialization in women’s religious community. It is a good thing that I eventually felt the call to ministry - because that is not a widely applicable subject!
When I felt the call to ministry, I did my due diligence. I pored over websites and called alumnae. I took my interviews seriously and asked probing questions. And then I landed at the seminary one town over from where I grew up. Starr King was wonderful and frustrating. Smith was a fit from day one; at Starr King I felt like I never quite fit. I think I learned more about good ministry by being the odd one out than I would have if everything had been easy.
I was gifted with a phenomenal teaching minister and congregation in the Rev. Jeanne Pupke and the First Unitarian Universalist Church of Richmond, VA (FUUR). Rev. Jeanne was an exacting former nun who was insistent that anyone who worked with and for her would become the best possible version of themselves. Living up to her standards, and then eventually figuring out how to live up to my own, was mainly exciting, sometimes exhausting, and completely worth it. She is one of the reasons that I am committed to being a teaching pastor and training the next generations of UU ministers. She remained an active mentor until her death.
FUUR was a multi-minister church and I stayed on as the assistant minister for youth, young adults and social justice after my internship ended. This time allowed me to deepen my understanding of large church systems and policy governance. I developed a young adult group and implemented a Coming of Age class that the congregation had been wanting for some time. I was part of a large staff team that I led when Rev. Jeanne went on sabbatical at the end of my time there.
Rev. Barbara, Rev. Jeanne & I process after a service.
During the pandemic our youth made use of our unused sanctuary windows to post a huge Black Lives Matter sign.
I went into my first Search hopeful and terrified. I was so ready to find my fit and so worried that I wouldn’t. I think that the search committee for the Unitarian Universalists of the Cumberland Valley and I both knew during our pre-candidating weekend that we had found something special. We did eight years of really good ministry together. It wasn’t perfect - one of our successes was learning how to disagree with kindness and respect - which means we spent some time disagreeing!
We grew our membership and increased our giving so that we could move our DRE from part-time to full-time. We completed a successful capital campaign that raised over 600,000 dollars. In my final years we launched an endowment and grew it to close to 300,000 dollars.
We attracted young adults and young families, focused and increased our justice efforts, and increased our children’s RE participation. We increased our OWL offerings and made all of our church social events truly multi-generational.
We pivoted to Zoom on the first Sunday of the pandemic lockdown and offered daily online worship services and activities for the first six months of active lockdown. We had outdoor worship at the local drive-in and brought Christmas and Easter to our members, rather than having them come to us.
We came through the pandemic with our membership intact and with higher giving than before the pandemic. When I decided to leave, church members were sad and disappointed, but we had a good leave-taking. I know what a good ministry looks like and I am am excited to find my next one.